I’m sorry but I don’t want to apologize for the silly attitude that I quite often have.
I love to be unpredictable and sarcastic. So sarcastic people don’t get that I’m being sarcastic. And so unpredictable people often don’t get me. And I jump from topic to topic really quick.
And I have been told that I am a number of things, contradictory things. You say something that is not aligned with a group of ideas, and some immediately figure out you belong in an opposing group of ideas.
I love to be improper, ideologically incorrect, and break those taboos (most often without insulting anybody). And so with my texts. I know they’re quite often grammatically incorrect, or have improper syntax and that I don’t beautify my blog. But for the moment all I care for is to send a message across to anyone who wants to read.
I used to play PC and console games a lot, but not as much anymore. A reason is that in older times they were more innovative and surprising. Now they try to be more impressive, but are also repetitive.
I used to wonder how come I didn’t enjoy life as much as I enjoyed games. Obviously life is superior to games. Better graphics and sound quality, numerous plots, more real than any game could possibly get. So what’s wrong?
Well, there is something about games, you see, if you lose you can start over again. And if you beat that opponent, nobody really gets harmed. So, you’re freer to play a game, than life. A life wherein you’re asked to be 8 hours there doing that, 2 hours in traffic, 7 hours in bed, 2 more hours pampering your body and so on, is kinda dull.
So, I think it’s worth mentioning that you cannot lose in life either. That’s true. It’s true for me, and if you could see it the way I have, you would get it. The thing is, we’re not inside life, but like in a game, we have a character inside life. What I call spirits are actually the gamers, and humans are the sprites (sprite=a character in a game).
Just like when you get so much ‘inside’ a movie or a computer game, it feels like it was happening to you, so it is with life. But multiply that by the number of years you’ve been alive. We’ve forgotten what we are.
In truth nothing can happen to the gamer. And from that perspective life can be more of a game and less of a dull movie. Why? Because nothing to fear, nothing to lose, nothing to get injured=more freedom. But the pleasure of playing remains. I was surprised at how much fun I -as a gamer- was having while not being aware of it, when I perceived it.
I’m not really willing to get my body injured, to lose a beloved one, etc. But if it happens, I’m much more flexible in dealing with it, knowing that it happened to the sprite and not to the gamer. To confuse the sprite with the gamer makes my life sticky and tough, and I no longer do it. It is something that you need to feel for yourselves to understand. I couldn’t possibly be descriptive enough–no penalties, just freedom.
Some try to attain similar states with drugs. I just don’t need to. I did it with spiritual philosophy, without needing to burn my body with toxins, and jump to being a sprite again the following day, and feeling even worse than before, and needing more drugs to not feel as bad.
Life can seem tough, painful. There’s no saying what horrible things could happen to somebody. But understand, such things 1. Don’t have to happen and 2. They only happen to the sprite, if they do.
I’ve had a much tougher life, than most people I’ve known. But it has no effect on me, like it shouldn’t. And to be honest, I -knowing my potential- made things tougher to myself. I’ve really taken some unsafe paths in my life. And although I did lose, at times. At other times I won. And it was amazing. Specially now that I know that nothing ever really happened to me.