It can be quite common for two who fight to assign fault to each other. And it’s a bit less common for one to do that to oneself.
It takes a certain amount of courage to review oneself, so as to see whether what one has done is harmful to others, or not. It is a sort of courage that not everyone possesses. One could collapse with the mere idea that he is harmful to others. To see simply that, and to simply quit harming, is a quality that not many have.
So, as one makes harming oneself and others a routine, he becomes less and less capable to review oneself. I know how it is to regret something. It’s not nice, and I couldn’t easily imagine doing that on a daily basis. I might wind up becoming one with the floor. So, when somebody harms on a daily basis, you will find that he tries to prove himself right, to himself and to others. Unfortunately, that also means that he will be trying to prove others wrong to himself, as well as to themselves. According to his logic, since others are guilty, wrong and crazy, he is justified, and he is the opposite.
As one loses his ability to review his own self and his own actions, as one takes less and less responsibility for himself, that is, he starts to see himself and his actions on others. Really, why would anybody care to go to random people, that he hardly knows, and point out faults in them? To ‘fix’ them, you think? That is just another excuse. Nobody ever got ‘fixed’ by having another judge and punish him, specially when that another actually judges and punishes himself. Actually, you can really wreck somebody by having him believe that he is faulty. And what that guy avoids doing to himself, he does on others.
So, in society, we often get opposite phenomena. The most harmful guys, tend to dominate the others, by pointing out wrongness on them, by having their attention stuck on themselves, trying to figure out what’s wrong about themselves. And the thoroughly dominated guys, tend to doubt and be bad to themselves (and then also to each other), while the dominators have no actual idea what they themselves are and do. They’re convinced they are right.
Of course, those are two extremes, and there can be in-between conditions, as well.
Domination goes hand in hand with being harmful. Not only because it is harmful within itself, but it lies on ideas such as that everyone must be ‘controlled’ (actually be kept down), because everyone is bad. You could really have such a person go berserk by actually uplifting others, making them freer, more aware, and generally better.
A cruel leader, always thinks that his people are bad, sinners, stupid, crazy etc. Actually, that’s what he becomes, the more he plays the role of the dominator. He tries to dominate, constrain himself, from being bad to others. But he doesn’t see himself, anymore. He only sees others. You couldn’t possibly get him to see what he is and what he does. And even if he pretended to see that, it wouldn’t be true. So, it’s really pointless to actually try to correct such a condition, by having such a guy acknowledge that unfortunate thing.
And that is not bad enough. What’s bad, is that the rest tend to believe such guys and play their games. Dominators tend to make one doubt himself, shrink, be scared, and generally, to turn against oneself as well as against others. We always see people who fight each other, but we rarely see those who put them to fight each other. Those guys are rarely, if ever fought, yet they incite fighting. For ‘good reasons’ such a guy will convince another that he is wrong, that his wife is wrong, that his friends are wrong, that everyone is wrong. And he will ‘help’ him by ‘opening his eyes’ to that. He will actually, have one turn against his life, ‘for his own good’. And if one winds up in some psychiatric ward, due to extreme distrust, actually due to the dominator’s distrust that he has inherited, he’ll be considered to be the ‘faulty’ one, not the dominator. Actually, the dominator might as well take him there. You see the irony about that.
The greatest mistake one can do with such a condition, is to be unaware of it, and play along, and be dominated. But if one is bright enough to see through the veil of lies he’s been poisoned with, and acknowledges who that dominator is, the second greatest mistake will be to turn against the dominator. Understand that for reasons mentioned above, they don’t change, at least not towards improvement. They can worsen though, and if you turn against such a guy, in order to keep his ‘nice and caring’ mask, he might not turn against you directly, but he will turn others against you. Everyone will know what a bad person you are, and you’ll be busy fighting them, from that point on.
So, what to do? One needs to be aware of and free from mind tricks played on him. He needs to be uninfluenced from exterior to him factors. He needs to be himself, no matter what. To try to be liked, to try to have others agree with you, is a one way road to hell. You must approve yourself, not others. And of course you must have your own awareness of goodness, of ethics, so that you wont need somebody force it on you, like described above.