Earlier I mentioned that I wanted to keep some distance between myself and spirituality as a label, although I often refer to it, and although I don’t regard it to be inherently wrong.
There is something I’d like to add to it.
As far as I’m concerned, what I’d want from spirituality is not to feel better. It is not to struggle for a lifetime to resolve a problem while I get 50 more per day, nor to need to hide from life to avoid that. Actually, I want everything.
It is understood that not all spiritualities lead where I’m going. And so I disregard those, without second thoughts. And I don’t bother to prove them wrong either. For I don’t see my spiritual stuff as external duty, but rather as a purpose of my own, and I allow others to have their own. But I communicate my ideas (including my disagreements) too.
It is also understood that spirituality is rather unpopular. And the most popular sorts are rather surface. That is to say the spirit is not involved any more than it is involved in anything else, in life. Some others even attempt to expand mental phenomena and overshadow the spirit even more. That’s definitely not what I go for.
I think a reason for that unpopularity is that it asserts that it is necessary to escape life, in order to be oneself, again. While I don’t think so. I think we are life, too.
Also, I don’t agree with the assertion that the only alternative to arrogance and ego is humility. Both are extreme, the way I see it. Both are mental contraptions. And neither is native to the spirit. Who should be humble to what, a spirit to a human being, or a metal idol? Be humble to matter? I don’t agree. I don’t think Siddhartha wanted others to be humble towards him, either.
My concept of ‘everything’ includes my life, no matter how imperfect it is. I know that in the end everything is alright. I also know that I -spiritually-am the whole cycle (from beginning to end) and that will never change, no matter what happens to my body, in life.
However, I also wish for practical use, practical change in my human life. And I do use what I know from spiritual philosophy in my daily life –sometimes with more, and other times with less success.
My route, the technique I wrote about, is not a route to escape life. It is not even a route to become my basic self, for that’s what I am, anyway. I don’t need a route to be that. It is a route to be more responsible for life, to be more life, or rather to be more aware of being that.
I’m certain out of personal certainty that anything can be handled in life. I’m also certain that necessary evils are not necessary at all. And yes, I do wish to achieve things about my human existence too. If my life was a computer game, I’d wish to finish it. I don’t wish to go from level 1 to level 2 and then back to 1 and then 2 again, and so on. I want to finish the game.
One might assert that this keeps me entangled in life. And it might be true. But if one tries to dodge it, while still alive, he will be even more entangled. Full acceptance is not dodging. I think the way out, is through.
And I know that no matter what some say, they all want to. They wouldn’t want to be dishonest, nor to harm a child. They try to live a decent life too, for as long as they live it. They have ideas or instincts about ethics. And me too.
And so, I also have radical (radical, not violent) views about politics, relationships and other things. I no longer seek to adapt to something that I disagree with. To accept and adapt are not the same. I seek to go with truth and to create what I agree with the most. I wish the same for the rest. And I seek to create something new for all.
I attempt the combination of spirit plus human life. Something that is not ordinary at all, but can be extraordinarily great, as well. I’ve had hard conditions, but also goals that I know some others wouldn’t consider even possible. It’s definitely worthy.