When you deal witha problem in life, you most often -if not always- run into seeing it as being the opposite than what it is.
For example you take a guy who is afraid of another guy (his father for example), and you try to convince him to no longer be afraid, and that doesn’t quite work out. But if you ask him something surprising like “what would you do to your father?” he will immediately feel better. That’s because prior to feeling fear, he felt other things, like hostility, and now fear is overshadowing that, and he doesn’t see it. The one who should be afraid of, should be his father, not him. He wanted to use force against his father, and as he restrained himself from doing that, it turned against him. And after 5000 incidents like that, he is now afraid, but he is afraid of the force he would exert himself. So he sits there, like some wet cat, and gets told off, out of guilts, regardless of how threatening his father appears to be, or even intends to be.
Similarly, when two break up, the saddest one is the one who wanted to break up the most. And he or she sits there, being a victim. He or she feels the other’s intention to break up, but not his or her own, he or she thinks. Then he/she feels sorry for the other, and wishes to reverse the whole thing and then feels sad. He or she becomes of victim of his own intention to break up.
A shy guy who blushes, does so after his starts something and on the same times blocks it. He gets his body run fast, he hits the pedal hard, as hard as he hits the breaks, and he goes all red. And then he’s told that is ‘shy’ and he believes it. He is the opposite, but he stops it. He’s probably much more impulsive than average –too much, he thinks.
You start something and you block it, and then you perceive it back. And then you react to that, and then furtherly react to the previous reaction, and you stray further and further from the truth of it all.
You’d think one who’d sit and get beaten is a good person. Noway. Nobody gets beaten out of goodness. But one can get beaten out of unwillingness to use force. And goodness is not that, unless you want to beat somebody, in which case you could convince him that it is that.
One is capable of raising hell. And if he is not confident that he can control it, he will block himself, so he wont do it. People are not weak. That was never true, and treating them as such only lowers their morale and makes them feel furtherly weak and victims. So you wind up having everybody think they are another’s victims, and nobody admitting doing anything to another. When did you see in an argument somebody admitting he has done any harm? They all deny it. “No I’m lame. I couldn’t do it. You did it.”. But in truth, it’s the opposite. And this blaming, making the other feel guilty, result in him furtherly restraining himself from using force as well as admitting to have ever used any.
I’m not saying people should go and beat each other, by the way. I’m just saying that it isn’t true that they can’t. Some courts go like “What this man is capable of…”. Sure, ‘he is capable of’. But ‘capable’ doesn’t mean that he does it, nor that he wants to do it, nor that he will. Capable means freedom to do it. And if you’re free do it, you’re also free to not do it.