Aside from some special occasions and periods in my life, I was always able to be well if I secluded myself, even when I had little no idea about spirituality, self improvement etc.
The tough stuff was always when associating with others –not with all, but with some others.
Things like injustice, blame, hearing lies about myself made me very ‘cloudy’, upset. And tough periods in my life have were always associated with rough connection with others. I myself didn’t have many problems by myself. I’ve been for the most part healthy, and easy to have fun and have a good time without needing much. I could be by myself for extreme (for others) lengths of time and actually even enjoy it. It’s as if I had been a Buddhist monk.
The past month I’ve been going through some grinding. I’ve been trying to bring my ‘being well’ into my life, without needing to seclude myself, without needing to be picky who to associate with and that’s been rough. It’s one thing to deal with your problems, and another to deal with many other’s problems while still needing to put your body to work and to communicate. It isn’t the first time that I’m not picky, nor the first time I work, but it is the first time I do so after I’ve had a number of significant ‘gains’ through my recent spiritual work.
My goal is to keep myself intact while having my body go through the worst. And I believe I have found the ‘trick’ and I have also found what others too suffer from while they communicate –‘belief’. In other words, one doesn’t have to believe anything that’s said to him, nor should he get into a process of figuring out solutions. He shouldn’t make it a problem in the first place. One can perceive, understand, and still be himself. That’s the challenge.
Belief makes an idea, thought, ‘sticky’; it remains there, but only for as long as one puts it there.
Why do this? Because I want as long as this body is alive to live as well as possible, and I want to need to hide from anything. Ultimately I want to combine myself, my body and those of others without problems. I want to combine all I know with life.