I was lucky to grow up with a person that was pleased to please me, and that pleased me too in turn –my grandmother. Whenever she thought I’d want or need something or that I was somehow in some inconvenience she’d do something about (within her powers). And I used to think that was nice and I still think so. However, not all were like my grandmother.
A baby that is unable to take care of itself gets attention that it needs something through crying or maybe screaming too, as parents think that in order to do something for it, it needs to do that. And that passes from generation to generation. And often that keeps repeating throughout one’s life as he grows older –‘if you feel bad I will do something for you’.
Well, what do you know, that is not necessary. But if somebody thinks it’s necessary he might start feeling bad and otherwise be bad by various mean to get other’s support; and that’s as good as whipping oneself to go to heaven. Its the same kind of mentality ‘suffer and you shall be rewarded’. Well no; suffering is more like a penalty and not a reward. It is a penalty initially imposed by oneself. And the more one thinks others impose that on him, the more he will be losing control of the suffering he causes unto himself, as he will be thinking that others cause that. And then he will be causing suffering unto others in turn, or more correctly triggering them to cause suffering unto themselves in turn.
Suffering is rarely an indication that another does something wrong. It is more likely an indication that you do it. And to get out of it you’d better at least acknowledge it for starters, for not all are like my grandmother who will take care of you because of it. Most are most likely on the baby side and they too expect your conformity due to their own suffering that they themselves cause unto themselves. They’ll probably go like “look how bad your feeling bad makes me feel, now do as I say”, after you do it first, that is. Suffering and having things go your way just don’t go together. Suffering is a sign of failure –your own.
But that is good news, as if you know you cause your own failure you can also know you can stop causing it, instead of demanding that from others. And as you demand from others to do things for you, demand from them to do things to you, and that is also being called ‘being controlled’. You can’t be free by expecting nor by demanding it from others. It is your own business.