How to spot dishonesty

Honesty simply means to communicate our thoughts, and it doesn’t mean that those thoughts are necessarily bad ones. It is so much more than ‘good manners’. In fact ‘good manners’ have now come to mean to appear ‘nice’ and agreeable to all, and thus promote lying –a thing that adds up to distrust. Honesty is not a small thing and don’t underestimate it.

Honesty makes our communication meaningful, real and can bring about understanding. Otherwise talking becomes an act of tying to convince one another about lies, that we might even wind up believing ourselves. The latter is one of the most tragic sides of being dishonest –that a serial liar might wind up believing his own lies. He might not even aware of lying anymore, after a while. The lie might become reality for him. That way he can eventually ‘lose himself’. And of course if one does that to oneself, others wont get to know him for what he is, either. So it becomes a chain –a things that one does to another, and everyone involved becomes to a degree delusional.

The dishonest bash at honesty.  Because they don’t allow themselves to be honest, they bash at the honesty of others too. It is an unreasonable knee-jerk reaction. They defend other’s lies like they would defend their own, and fear another’s truth like they’re afraid to speak their own truth. And of course, when one bashes at another’s truth, he promotes even more lying.

Honest communication brings about resolution. It doesn’t necessarily bring about agreement, but it brings about potential for agreement. It brings about a nothing which can be filled with agreement; while lies stand like rocks inhibiting agreement and then one tries to force it, instead. The latter can also be called ‘brainwashing’.

Dishonesty blocks communication. Lying to each other and not speaking the truth only brings about misunderstanding and problems into existence that -for as long as they’re believed- don’t get resolved. The antidote is either no belief at all, or honest communication.

It is a grave mistake to punish honesty. It gives people the impression that being honest will get them punished. It kills communication and protects and promotes secrecy. And such mentality is only promoted by people who do have something significant to hide. In case that somebody confessed something harmful he had committed it would then be time for forgiveness and letting him repair the damage done (for example, somebody had stolen money, he ought to pay it back, and not have his hands cut-off). It is the guy that keeps on lying that can actually cause harm. It is lying in present time that matters. The past is past because it doesn’t exist. In a revelation of truth everybody wins, except from those who want truth hidden. So why punish it?

This article isn’t about spotting and punishing liars, either. If it is ‘good manners’ to lie, or if it is ‘survival of the fittest’ to prevail with deceit, you see how there is a whole bunch of pseudo-philosophy backing up a life among lies. And who is to blame? The solution is more truth, and not to punish liars. And that should start with us being more able to be true, to notice lying and to tolerate it, so we can tolerate honesty too -our own and other’s- and eventually have it. Know that the more true you are to yourself as well as to others, the more you will be able to spot truth and lying in others too. And visa versa, the more you lie to yourself and others, the more prone you will be to getting fooled.

If all felt free to be honest we would have a completely different world, social structure, relationships, jobs, friendships and so on. It wouldn’t take any magic nor any draconian measures to bring about that. Those endlessly complex political problems are only there due to one side or another being dishonest. The more the lies the more the complexity. And bashing each other’s heads in then brings about no resolution at all. If -for example- ones partner cheated on him/her, their affection and free, honest communication would be hindered -specially from the cheater’s side- and then there could be endless debates and fights about various irrelevant things, but if the cheating was not revealed nothing would be resolved, for the actual lie, problem wouldn’t be uncovered, and then there would appear to be ‘other reasons’ why those two couldn’t get along together and eventually break up. Lies are like a snowball that start from top of a mountain small and end up bottom-down as an avalanche.

Our communication would have a rather soothing effect (in case of upset) and we wouldn’t need to dodge it so we wouldn’t get upset, instead. And ‘sadly’ the mental illness business would go -at least for the most part- bankrupt too. It can be very upsetting to live a lie. Nobody really likes it. Everybody has an impulse for truth, even if it gets suppressed.


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